Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Purely For Your Amusement Series: Banana Slicer

Have you ever been at a total loss about how on earth you are supposed to slice a banana? If you have experienced panicky emotions about how to get the thick-skinned yellow fruit into delicious rounds to put on your cereal, I have just the product for you:

Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

by Hutzler

Available on Amazon.com for just over $3, this ingenious invention will revolutionize and simplify your morning breakfast routine. Imagine this: you're running really late for work. Clothes helter-skelter, you rush into the kitchen and swoop for a banana. You freeze in horror as you look at the clock and realize...no time for knife (and possibly finger) slicing. You will simply have to eat it whole, like a barbarian. Then, a ray of magical sunlight hits a plastic yellow shape on the counter. It's your Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer! You praise the heavens as you expertly whip off the banana peel and use the slicer to separate the fruit into 18 perfect slices. You waltz out the door with a sparkly smile and the beautiful essence of banana on your hands.

In the unlikely case that you have any remaining doubts about the merits of this product**, I would like to share some reviews from Amazon.com customers. There are hundreds more reviews on the website but I have selected some of the best ones for your convenience. For a balanced perspective, I have included both critical and 5-star reviews.

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" 
they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" 
Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my 
bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit 
in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, 
my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer 
consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to 
concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival 
gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

By lloydravn on September 24, 2012
No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling 
the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!

3.0 out of 5 stars Just okayAugust 21, 2012
I would rate this product as just okay. It's kind of cheaply made. But it works better 
than the hammer I've been using to slice my bananas.

5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT GiftAugust 3, 2012
Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better.
Ordering one for my nephew who's in the air force in California. 
He's been using an old slinky to slice his banana's. He should really enjoy this product!

4.0 out of 5 stars Solo SlicingAugust 11, 2012
I used to pay someone to slice my banana. Now I handle my own banana business. 
This product gave me the confidence I need to slice my own banana, 
any time, any where.

1.0 out of 5 stars Worst Banana Caddy EVER!August 21, 2012
I bought this banana caddy to transport my banana for lunch. EVERY DAY LAST WEEK 
i went for my banana and it was gone. EMPTY! Then I find little round bananas all over 
my string cheese and juicebox!!! Is this some kind of sick joke?!

2.0 out of 5 stars Only good half of the timeDecember 19, 2012
David Dale (Antioch, TN) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)
I was disappointed that this banana slicer only comes in one model. It works like a 
charm for bananas that bend to the right, but it utterly useless for left-bending 
bananas. I end up having to eat my left curved bananas un-sliced like some kind of

5.0 out of 5 stars This product saved my life.October 27, 2014
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)
Long gone are the days of mashed bananas, cut fingers, nervous breakdowns and delayed 
cereal toppings. Before I got this product, I had no idea how to slice a banana. I would 
just stare at it. When I finally got up the courage to make the first cut, I would invariably 
mash the banana. This would send me into a panic attack and I would usually cut 3 or 4 
fingers making the next attempt at a slice. With blood on my shirt and in my cereal, crying 
and hysterical, I would bravely start each day. The awkward stares of my coworkers have 
disappeared as I no longer show up to work late, bloodied and covered in mashed banana. 
I got a promotion and my wife came back. This product saved my life, I can't wait for the 
Hutzler 572 to hit the shelves.

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: I was not paid to review/endorse this product, nor have I 
purchased it.

Love, Celia

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